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8 Times We've Wished Brian Griffin Would Be Our Dog

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Fox

When it comes to TV dogs, you typically think of Comet from Full House, or everyone's favorite trustworthy dog, Lassie. I usually think about Cujo and the cynical Brian Griffin.

Brian Griffin is everyone’s favorite alcoholic dog, whose best friend is a baby, and who always offers a quick-witted, off the cuff remark. My dog at home is pretty cool, but I do wish she could be a little more like Brian, and here’s why.

He’s a published author.

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20th Century Fox Television, Fuzzy Door Productions

Brian is never shy about sharing that he’s a writer, in fact he often brags about it. Though he’s written books, he isn’t very good and has even been torn apart, during an interview, by Arianna Huffington and Bill Maher.

He’s written two books: Wish it Want it Do it and Faster Than The Speed Of Love. The books aren’t very good, but it’s the thought that counts?

He’s a liberal.

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20th Century Fox Television, Fuzzy Door Productions

Well, he pretends to be a liberal supporting marijuana and not believing in religion, but the truth is, he’s pretty conservative at the core. And was even swayed into becoming Republican by by Rush Limbaugh in one episode.

He’s an intellectual.

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20th Century Fox Television, Fuzzy Door Productions

Weeelll, more like pseudo-intellectual. He pretends to know more about everything than anybody else. But the truth is, he just surrounds himself with people who are less intelligent than he is so he could always have the upper hand.

He dates humans.

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20th Century Fox Television, Fuzzy Door Productions

There’s no “wells” about this one, Brian actually dates human women, which makes no sense since he is a dog. But he ends up getting a female dog pregnant, showing he was nothing but a dog after all. See what I did there?

He’s a great drinking partner.

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20th Century Fox Television, Fuzzy Door Productions

Yup, Brian is pretty much an alcoholic, even getting Stewie drunk in one episode.

He’s a reliable friend.

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20th Century Fox Television, Fuzzy Door Productions

He’s a great friend. Taking Meg to the school dance when no one else would. Helping Stewie get out of a sticky situation when they get stuck in a bank vault and Stewie’s diaper gets full. Full disclosure, Brian literally eats the shit out of the diaper. And going on adventures with Peter and the gang.

He has a great work ethic.

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20th Century Fox Television, Fuzzy Door Productions

Well, this is only when it’s something that’ll directly influence him like his writing, which he doesn’t really take seriously until he see’s someone else doing better than he is.

He speaks English.

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20th Century Fox Television, Fuzzy Door Productions

A dog that actually speaks your language? Not that he understands it and barks, he actually speaks English. That’s amazing, if I do say so myself.

I think I speak for all dog lovers, owners, and dogs themselves when I say, Happy National Dog Day!

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