7 Signs It's Actually Lust, Not Love


So you and your new guy are hot and heavy, and you think the world of him. You look forward to going over to his apartment after class to hook up, or can’t wait until he comes back from being out of town so you can see him.

You find yourself thinking about him a lot, but it’s sometimes very easy to get love and lust confused. If you find yourself in this position, and want to know which of the two it is, look for these seven signs.

1. They don’t look you in the eye.

In a study done by the University of Chicago, where your eyes fall and tend to stay says a lot about whether it’s love or lust. According to Rewire Me, “In the study, participants were asked to concentrate on a stranger’s face to test visual patterns and analyze the difference between love and lust.” What researchers found was that those who kept their gaze on the face were tied with romantic feelings of love, while those who were in lust, concentrated more on their partner’s body, and this was true for both men and women.

2. They don’t want you to meet their family and friends.

Then you’re probably better left a secret. If he or she was really serious about you, they would want you to meet those close to them, and if they’re not, it’s probably just a fling.

3. You two are not friends.

Friendship is the foundation for a great, loving relationship. If you two are just doing the dirty but not actually talking to each other about anything serious or personal, and you don’t hang out or have any kind of “friendship” basis, then it’s not love. If it were love, he or she would be there for you even when you’re not having sex.

4. There is no intimacy, it’s strictly sex.

When two people in love have sex, it’s more of a bonding experience, and there is a lot more intimacy, like kissing and touching and eye contact. If you two are just having sex and going through the motions, but not associating any kind of feelings with it, that’s a surefire way to tell it’s just a hook-up.

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5. You’re in love with the “fantasy.”

You know it’s not going to work, but instead of addressing it, you keep playing into the fantasy and brushing all the real issues under the rug. You can only ignore the fact there’s no future for so long, and the “dead end” of the relationship will inevitably run its course if it’s lust and not the real thing.

6. There isn’t a whole lot of stability.

There are fireworks and sparks from arguing and getting to have each other physically, but aside from that, the “relationship” offers no feeling of romance and love, and no stability. In love, even after and aside from the sex, that feeling of closeness remains. If you feel like the relationship is very up and down, sure it might be exciting, but a relationship with real love but be full of that much drama.

7. They don’t talk about the future.

A very clear sign that it’s a fling. If it’s love, they will talk about the future and include you in it, such as “when we graduate,” or when “we move," but if they are not talking about the future at all, are only talking about their plans for the future, then it’s lust. Now it’s up to you to decide if you want to stay in the situation or leave it for something that actually can promise or lead into a future.

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