Monogamy can be a wonderful thing, but it isn't meant for everyone. I just happen to be one of those people. I've had a few long-term relationships, and I completely understand why people choose to fall in love and embark on a committed relationship together in hopes that it will last a lifetime. The fairy tale is nice and maybe I'll get back to it one day, but I'm totally happy casually dating for now.
Don't get me wrong, casually dating is accompanied by its own set of problems. The fact that you often have to go through a gauntlet of bad dates before you actually get a few good ones is a headache, but there are ways to get past that. The fact that I'm not looking for a relationship mitigates some of that frustration. Here's why I choose to avoid commitment.
I'd rather be single than cheat.
Even when you don't get caught cheating, the process of hiding your infidelity causes so much unnecessary stress in a relationship. The sneaking around and the lies eventually take their toll on you. Once you realize that you can have your cake and eat it too without hurting the feelings of someone you sincerely love, why cheat? There are plenty of people who are looking for a friends-with-benefits type relationship that fits their current lifestyle.
You get the feels minus the pressure.
Just because you don't want a serious relationship doesn't mean that you don't make real connections with some people. It's a lot less stressful when you don't put so much emphasis on minor details.
Focus on having fun.
At the end of the day, the purpose of a date is to get to know someone new and have fun. Focus on that aspect.
It's not about sex.
Yeah, sex is nice, but I've had enough sex to know that the human connection isn't solely based on physical contact. Look for the substance in the people that you are dating and appreciate them for the person they are, not their body.
Enjoy the feeling of getting to know someone new.
Getting to know new people can be intimidating for some people, but it's also an exciting experience. Don't expect people to be perfect. The important part is to relax and enjoy each others company.
Be honest, even if it hurts someone's feelings.
It's important to have an honest discussion about expectations early on so that no one gets confused about what type of relationship you're willing to have. Occasionally, people can't help but catch serious feelings, but if you keep it consistently real from the beginning, that person should handle their feelings accordingly and respect the boundaries. If that doesn't happen, you have an obligation to end things to protect that person's feelings.
You can still make people feel amazing.
Regardless of the fact that you're not in a serious relationship with the people you're seeing, you should still make that person feel as if they are special and show that you appreciate the connection you share. You can still do things like send flowers or buy small gifts. Just be sure that the relationship boundaries are being respected.